Grabba! Grabba! Hey! Sex Swami Nithyananda Fights Back to Regain His Misbegotten Trust from Madurai Adheenam
Jai Parmesan Sri, Sri Nithyananda Salami Ki Jai!
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. Where are you? Salami, can you hear me? Do you, Parmesan Nithyananda still have super-natural, super-human, bona fide and certified avatar powers?
Geez. We're a bit worried there, Sri Nithyananda. That other blog, Stand Up for Dharma and against Nithyananda, is having a field day stating that you've been absconding from the law for over 43 days... And, look, Salami Nithyananda, you're Twitter feed has been idle for over 48 days and counting.
Being the Biggest Loudmouth Guru in the whole world wide web, it's like you, Sri Nithyananda have given up. Why even pictures on your website, Oh Great One, are void of your greatness. Are you, Parmesan Nithyananda, banned from entering your own holy sanctuary also known as the Great Brothel of Bidadi? Tsk. Tsk. This banishment really shows on the faces of your once happy followers. There seems far fewer of them now, and their faces look so unblissful... long even. Deprived.
Sri Nithyananda, we hate to admit this, but we're beginning to lose our trust in you. What's this? Salamander Nithyananda, your trust with Srila Sri Arunagirinatha Sri Jnanasambandha Desika Paramacharya Swamigal (also known as criminal 292) is dissolved? So, there's no trust left? Well, it said so right here in your favorite news channel, the Deccan Herald:
Oh my gosh, Sri Nithyananda, was that your trust with Criminal 292 to 'manage' all the properties that were donated to the Madurai Adheenam over 1,500 years? Gee, there seems to be a whole different world of responsibilities that a publicly avowed renunciant has to be subjected to. We guess that's part of your teachings, Salamander Nithyananda. After all, you Parmesan Nithyananda taught us that if we could just unclutch, all this wealth will just come to us with no effort at all. Too bad there, Sri Nithyananda, it's all left you now. Gone. Imagine if there was a fire sale and all those properties were sold, you, Salami Nithyananda, would have enough cash to fund your lawyers and high-flying publicist pimp, Dale Bhagwagar, for at least two more years.
Golly, Parmesan Nithyananda, please give us a sign that you're OK. We know that you, Oh Great One, don't care a rats seat about us, or anyone one of your followers, so we won't even ask. After all, it's all about you, The All Knowing Avatar of Everything. So, please, Salamander Nithyananda, give us a sign that you're OK.
Oh, look, Sri Nithyananda, you appeared on YouTube on December 2, 2012! A holy aspiration! We're saved!
But, here on YouTube on December 2, 2012, you did manifest yourself. It sure looks like you, Salami Nithyananda, but where's you're 24K golden throne? You're 24K bling? You're once ever expanding flock of fawning room service ladies fanning you with ostrich feathers like some Egyptian Pharaoh?
King Nithyananda, the once Future Pharaoh of Madurai, proudly shows off his royal trappings
Bummer, Mr. Nithyananda. Looks like you've downsized. Why you, Salami Nithyananda, don't even have proper lighting from your camera crew. Looks like we're back to those terrorist quality videos of April 2010, you remember, Sri Nithyananda, right before you were arrested.
We're concerned, Sri Nithyananda. Really. With all this scaling back and downsizing, how are you, Oh Great Avatar, going to convince worldly people that you're worthy of donating their life savings and slaving away if you look so simple and humble, like without all that gold and no longer situated in a Bollywood production studio? Spiritual naifs are expecting a lot of glitter, flash, and vibhooti (holy ash) manifesting before their very own eyes. That's spirituality to them. Forget about activating their intelligence, listening to the inner-conscious, doing the right thing in spite of social pressures, etc. That stuff will not land you, Salamander Nithyananda, hefty donations.
Hmmmmm. There must be a way that you, Sri Nithyananda, can scale back but still attract quite a following and lure more room service ladies into your your liar. We know, Parmesan Nithyananda, you can have it all with chocolate! Yes, chocolate is a lot cheaper than gold, and you can lure ladies, children, and even some men with just chocolate. That way, you know longer have to compete with the likes of worldly renown womanizers like Sri Sri Ravishankar. Instead, you, Salami Nithyananda, will have to compete with the Cadbury's and even Willy Wonka. Of course, you, Oh Great Rununciant, do not want to be known as Wonka Willy. That is not original and would add confusion to your already tarnished image. But, you, Sri Nithyananda, could build a whole new ashram completely out of chocolate and save tons on the building cost and call it Hershey's Castle. (See, the name 'her' and 'she' is already in the honorific name and will just attract ladies like a magnet.) And, don't even get us started about Hershey's Kisses. Parmesan Nithyananda, you'll make out like a bandit.
Really, Sri Nithyananda, this really just doesn't seem like you. You, Mr. Nithyananda, have that fighting spirit. That's why fellow criminal, 292, justified bringing you, Salami Nithyananda, on board as 293. But, now we see you just retreated into secluded isolation. As if you, Oh Great Kal Bhairava Impersonator, are just lying low hoping the law authorities will just forget you.
But, wait, what's this here, Sri Nithyananda? We can't believe our eyes! Published here, in the friendly press of The Hindu:
Hooray for Parmesan Nithyananda! This will guarantee in a protracted lawsuit, one which you, Sri Nithyananda, will triumph. There's no way that 292 can hold out and fight such a lawsuit, and your lawyers have well honed skills of twisting facts, creating stories, planting evidence, and flat out lying, with the help of kitty-faced witnesses who have perfected the art of crying on demand. In just a few years, you, Salami Nithyananda, will not only have all his property, but will be 293.2. Everyone will be bowing down to you again, Oh Great One, but we will bow down to you now.
Update: December 6, 2012:
Golly, Sri Nithyananda, no sooner than we push the publish button, you and your team of lawyers filed more legal documents. Look here, as published in The Hindu:
Good move, Salami Nithyananda. You raised objections to the Adheenam’s suit and bought yourself some more time. Look! You are so holy that you, Parmesan Nithyananda, included an Interim Prayer. Yes, Sri Nithyananda, now we're assured that you still are holy and pure.
Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.
Special thanks to our super commenter, Anonymous, a.k.a. Ma Mark Jackson of Los Angeles, with a Comcast IP address of 67.188.196.# (Comcast Cable), operating in or near Fremont, using a Mac OS X 10.5, FireFox browser, screen resolution of 1440 x 900, and a color depth of 24 bits and who has political connections by claiming that her "Uncle is a serious high court judge in Chennai". Thanks for inspiring us to go forward to continue the battle against '